Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Hussein's State Of The Union Speech


“My fellow Americans, my presidency has sucked. Big time. My stint as your leader has been worse than the Matrix Revolution, and you know how awful that Keanu Reeves movie was. To the American public, I’m sorry. The job of being President has been above my experience. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing, and I still don’t. I’ve screwed over so many generations of Americans with the debt I’ve been racking up. So for the good of the country and because I’m tired of Michelle forcing me to eat organic arugula from the White House garden, tonight I am resigning. Take care America, and please don’t ever say that Jimmy Carter was a better President than I was, because that would really sting.”
Family Research Council

"Tonight, the President will do what he does best. Talk. But unfortunately for this White House, presidencies are defined by what you do, not what you say. And in Barack Obama's case, there seems to be plenty of disparity between the two. The same man who stood at the podium last year and said that he's "interested in protecting our economy" went on to pile up more debt than 40 Presidents combined. "I'm proposing specific steps to pay for the $1 trillion that it took to rescue the economy last year," he promised--only to add another $2.5 trillion more to it with health care. The commander-in-chief who asked us to "reject the false choice between protecting our people and upholding our values," couldn't do it himself, overturning a military policy on homosexuality that will neither protect our people nor their values. "Abroad," Mr. Obama said, "America's greatest source of strength has always been our ideals." In 2010, those "ideals" included global abortion and same-sex partner perks. Forgive us for taking the State of the Union with a brick of salt. Like Fox's Andrea Tantaros, we aren't fooled. "Obama can... extend a hand to Republicans through rhetoric... [But] with the other hand he can wave on the czars and cabinet secretaries to lurch leftward and take care of his liberal friends."

A lot of tonight's speech will probably feel familiar, since the President is said to be focusing on job creation, deficit reduction (stop me if you've heard this before), investments in "infrastructure," and civility. Voters, on the other hand, can take pleasure in the fact that after four years of looking at Nancy Pelosi, tonight's camera shot will feature new Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), who will provide the President's backdrop--not only for this speech, but for the important year ahead.

Although these two aren't officially a part of the State of the Union seating revolution, plenty of other members are using the bipartisan buddy system to show America that they can play nice. Breaking a longstanding tradition, odd couples like Sens. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) and Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) are sitting together, along with pairs like Sens. John McCain (R-Ariz.) and Tom Udall (D-N.M.) and other twosomes. "More important than the appearance of sitting together is what we do together," Sen. Mitch McConnell told reporters. Let's hope the bulk of that cooperation is focused on bringing the family back to its place of prominence--not just in a speech, but in all of American policy"

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