France Surrenders to Russia

Via Jeffery

Paris, France (March 3rd, 2014) – With international tensions at a near breaking point from the Russian invasion of Ukraine over the weekend, the potential for continued violence has proven to be too much for some nations. Early reports are flowing out of Europe that President Francois Hollande has tendered Frances surrender to Russian President Vladimir Putin in a surprise Monday morning power play. The move has sent tidal waves through the international diplomatic community, with many concerned that it will prove to only embolden the aggressive Russian war machine.

 President Hollande is not scheduled to hold a press conference on the issue until later this evening, but the French press is alive and thriving off of insider leaks from the French administration. 

The alleged justification for the surrender is that the Russian military was becoming “too close for comfort” for the French military, despite the fact that France is well outside the former Soviet ‘Eastern Bloc’ and likely will not be a target whatsoever. One top French General was quoted as saying, “Rather than suffer an embarrassing hypothetical defeat on a possible battlefield, we pre-empted the unlikely conflict with surrender – it was the only logical solution to the potential problem.”

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