State Capitol Janitor Frank Surprised to Find He’s Virginia’s New Governor

Via Kirk David Lyons

The Piedmont

RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that he had no idea he was even in the line of succession to become the leader of the Commonwealth, Frank Donahue, the State Capitol’s head janitor, arrived at work to discover that he was now Virginia’s governor, sources confirmed Thursday.

“This is all a shock to me,” Donahue remarked. Despite having spent the past seven years making sure the bathrooms outside of the Senate Chamber are clean, he is now poised to become the state’s governor due to his noticeably clean background. “I had overheard about the stuff Northam, Fairfax, and Herring were going through, but I didn’t think it would lead to the guy who mops the floors around the rotunda becoming the boss. That’s one heck of a promotion.”

The former custodian and new governor-elect was last seen reading a copy of the state’s constitution while asking colleagues if they could replace the urinal cakes in the men’s restroom near the building’s main entrance on Bank Street.