Jack and Jill

Via Bazz

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill became a libertarian. What the…?

Here’s how it happened. First, the IRS took half her water in taxes. Then the Department of Justice took her bucket because it might be made out of illegal wood from India. Then the DNR fined Jill for disrupting the habitat of some creek guppy no one ever heard of.

The NLRB ruled Jill could only fetch water in Washington State and had to pay union guys to do it. TSA did a full cavity search and a double pat down of her mommy parts; that had nothing to do with the bucket of water, they just get off on that stuff. When she gasped, the EPA fined her for an excessive carbon dioxide emission.

Then Bruce and Lance named Jill in a class-action lawsuit because she got to inherit her husband’s bucket of water while they couldn’t even get married. She was banned from the Labor Day parade in Wausau because Jack never joined the water-fetchers union and voted Republican once. The USDA had her detained when a tip came in that she might have raw milk in that bucket.

President Obama decided Jill had more water than she needed, and said we would all be better off with him “spreadin’ the wet around”. Joe Biden later claimed he hydrated or moistened over 2 million Americans. One solar panel company took 365 million gallons of government stimulus water and then moved to China. Al Gore made a Power Point movie that showed Jill boiling polar bears in her bucket on coal-fired stove. He made billions off the fakery.

An angry mob stalked Jill wherever she went because she wouldn’t buy their water, shouting “shame, shame, shame” and drumming for months. When she suggested they could just Segway up the hill and fetch a pail for themselves like she did, the Congressional Black Caucus called her a racist and Maxine Waters told her to go to hell. Jimmy Hoffa said he would take sons of bitches like her out; she was pretty sure he didn’t mean on a date.

Afraid for her life, Jill went to buy a handgun but had to wait five days. Then she found out she could not carry it in her purse in Wisconsin until November anyway. While she counted the days down, a teen flashmob beat and then pistol-whipped her after the state fair. “Wow – how’d you guys get your training and permits already?” she marveled, spitting teeth. Jill was a little naïve about criminals and guns.

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