Swine Control

Whatever one’s views on today’s Middle Eastern regimes, we can all agree that violent rioting is not a system of governance. But how can raucous street demonstrations be prevented from deteriorating into endless anarchy? The existing methods of suppression are clearly insufficient. Deadly force quickly produces martyrs and often only exacerbates violence. Nor are tear gas, rubber bullets, or truncheons particularly effective. Demonstrators retreat momentarily, regroup, and then pelt police with rocks and Molotov cocktails. This can continue for days, even months. And forget about Mace and Tasers for large crowds. Angry mobs should be able to express their discontent but at some point, enough is enough and politics should replace street violence.

Let me suggest a cheap, nonviolent way to control fanatical Muslims with an appetite for nonstop turmoil—weaponized pork. Muslims hate pork. Merely mentioning pork, let alone physical contact with it, strikes terror into the hearts of even the most committed “living martyr.” When confronting rioting Islamic fundamentalists, pork is perfect.

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