Saturday, June 21, 2014

Delta Is Ready When You Are

Via Bernhard

 http://cb.pbsstatic.com/l/53/6853/9780679406853.jpg

“When the 1992 presidential primaries moved South, the media was full of references to “the Bubba vote.” Yet, when the primaries were in the East, nobody referred to the “Loud-Talking Yankee vote.”
  
When they went to the Midwest, there was no mention of “the Frozen Fools vote.”  When it was time for the California primary, there was nothing said about “the Nut and Fruit vote.”  

Just the South. And I’m always a “Southern columnist,” or “Southern humorist,” or “that redneck from Atlanta.”

Ever hear of Mike Royko being referred to as a “mid-western columnist”?  Or Dave Barry, of The Miami Herald, a “Cuban columnist”?

If you’re Southern, it’s always going to be mentioned. “Why don’t you people forget the Civil War?”

I’ve heard so often from Northerners. Well, why don’t y’all leave us the hell alone and stop thinking of the South as an odd appendage? How about stopping with the stereotyping already?  The “Bubba vote,” indeed.

I had a man write me a letter years ago . . . He had been called “Bubba” by family and friends for thirty-five years. He came from a small Georgia town and had gone to work with a large national firm in Atlanta. His boss . . . had been transplanted from New York [and said he] could no longer use the name “Bubba.’  “He said it sounded too “Southern and ignorant.”

[I] was incensed that the son of a bitch from New York City would say “too Southern and ignorant.”

What if the man had been named “Booker T.”?  would that have been too “black and ignorant”? What if he had been named “Dances with Fat girls”?  “Too Indian and insensitive to persons of size?”

So I told the Bubba who wrote the letter to tell the jerk who wanted him to drop his name to kiss his ass and see if he could find a job with a firm that wasn’t being run by a lot of Yankees who looked down on Southerners and had their heads in their asses (cranial rectitus).

Another wrote, “I was transferred to Atlanta from New York six years ago. Every time I return to Atlanta on an airplane, I expect the stewardesses to say, “Welcome to Atlanta.  Set your watch back two decades.” A woman wrote, “You Bubbas are all alike. All you can think about is football, beer swilling, and hillbilly music.”

My response to the first writer was, “Oh yeah? Every time I fly into New York, I expect the stewardess to say, “Welcome to New York. Get off the plane at your own risk.” To the other, I responded, “Read this: Delta is ready when you are.”
  
“Too Southern and ignorant . . .“  It makes my blood boil.”

(I Havent Understood Anything Since 1962, And Other Nekkid Truths, Lewis Grizzard, Villard Books, 1992, pp. 146-147)

18 comments:

  1. I couldn't agree more -especially that "frozen fool" description of myself )

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  2. That's my only saving grace -thanks for noticing ;)

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  3. I guess it was those 35 years in the South - good that I am down here now getting a recharge )

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  4. Why don't I just forget about their war on us? Because I had a hard enough time overlooking that 911 thing, where all those decendents of murderer's died. It took me a good thirty minutes to get over that one, and I'm just not up to it right now.

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  5. I think it's jealousy. Beneath the derision is a deep longing to eat warm pecan pie, straight from the pan, without a fork or plate.

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    1. &/or stopping by a roadside stand where you buy a ripe tomato and they give you a glass of ice water and a salt shaker as you sit on a stool.

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  6. Lewis Grizzard and I don't belong in the 21st century, but I sure do wish he was here. Deliberately not using "were here" because I don't want to admit its impossibility. Heh.

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    1. He died fairly young as I remember, but you're making up for him. :)

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  7. I have to get a copy of that book and read it.

    “When the 1992 presidential primaries moved South, the media was full of references to “the Bubba vote.” Yet, when the primaries were in the East, nobody referred to the “Loud-Talking Yankee vote.”

    I think I would change the East from “Loud-Talking Yankee vote” to "Smug Dumb-Assed Yankee vote.”

    Badger

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  8. :)

    The Yankee Problem In America, By Clyde Wilson
    http://www.namsouth.com/viewtopic.php?t=1476&highlight=clyde+wilson
    "By Yankee I do not mean everybody from north of the Potomac and Ohio......I am using the term historically to designate that peculiar ethnic group descended from New Englanders, who can be easily recognized by their arrogance, hypocrisy, greed, lack of congeniality, and penchant for ordering other people around. Puritans long ago abandoned anything that might be good in their religion but have never given up the notion that they are the chosen saints whose mission is to make America, and the world, into the perfection of their own image."

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  9. I've come to realize in my 6th decade that what I've always thought of as a "Yankee" is pretty much anyone who lives within a beltway or in a town that has commuter trains. I've met fellow "red necks" (affectionately) from all over this land, N-S-E-W, and we all seem to be the same except for our accents and food preferences. It's those folks that have never been off the asphalt except in the park that I can't seem to relate to. They generally have a government job and have never had their hands dirty or been barefoot even down the hall to the kitchen for breakfast let alone in the yard or the field.

    It seems not to matter if you grew up in a tobacco patch or a oil patch, a logging camp or a coal mine, working folks all seem to get along and do the right things. Sadly there aren't many of us left.

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    1. Right on the money. I had a friend on Camp Pendleton from northern Wisconsin and we pretty much thought the same about everything.

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  10. Lewis still is one of my most favorite comedians. When I first met who later,was to wind up being my best friend (from NJ), he was bitching about how "we" did things down here. I told him then, "y'all Yankees come down here, take our jobs, our women and eat our food. We damn sure don't want to hear how you did things where you came from! Because, if you don't like it here, Delta's ready when you are!!" Thanks Lewis for that comeback.

    http://youtu.be/SJ4u-BnVVJQ

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