On 25 July 864 French king Charles the Bald ordered defensive measures against the Vikings. I love the names of these medieval kings: Charles the Simple, Ralph the Fat, Durwin the Squint-eyed.
I think we ought to use names like that today. Think about it: Obama the Obtuse, Joe the Hairtransplanted, Nancy Nails-on-a-Blackboard, Boehner the Bland. It would add a rare element of truth to the political conversation.