Tuesday, July 22, 2014

What Every Southern Man Should Be Able to Do

 https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-b0H_UG-wIJs/UpApqzoLQmI/AAAAAAAAEOs/snhFmC2jMhc/s1600/DSC_0316.JPG
 Daniel Boone

I was killing time the other day in my office looking through human interest websites (because I’m human, and I was, you know, interested), when I found an article called “25 Things Every Man Should Know How To Do,” or something like that. I forgot the exact wording because I didn’t bookmark the article, and I didn’t bookmark the article because it confused me. And it confused me because, at first, I thought the article was a joke. The entire list of 25 important manly things didn’t include a single thing that I didn’t already know how to do. And what was more important, the list was so basic and obvious, that pretty much every person I know also knows how to do everything on the list – including a lot of women I know, too.

It was almost like reading an article describing how important it is to breathe air if you want to stay alive. Duh. The list included things like changing a tire, changing the engine oil in a car, building a fire, reciting the military phonetic alphabet, fixing a toilet, chopping down a tree, reading an electric meter, jumpstarting a car, etc. Seriously? Who doesn’t know how to do all that? I even know a doggone hairdresser that knows how to do all those things.

And then it hit me. Yankees. Yankee men are the ones who can’t do this stuff. I mean, for all their enlightened nosiness into other people’s business, they really don’t know much about anything that really counts. Or, as my daddy would have said, “Yankees ain’t got no sense, y’all.” I’m not even sure how Yankee men are even able to reproduce, because what woman would be attracted to any man who couldn’t do all those things? Well, a Yankee woman, I guess. The only thing I can figure is that Yankee women must be swooned by socks with sandals.

So, the result of all that is my creation of a separate (and much more advanced list) of 10 Things Every Southern Man Should Be Able To Do.

30 comments:

  1. Fixing a toilet is easy along with a few other things mentioned. It's finding the right parts that allows you to fix the thing that is hard :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you, Brock, for posting this and bringing it to my attention.

    The "ABBEVILLE INSTITUTE" web site appears to be an invaluable resource of unapologetic information about Southern history, heritage, tradition, culture, and/or customs.

    I've now added their URL to the list of, "FAVORITE WEB SITES", at my own personal web site, "OUR ETERNAL STRUGGLE".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Certainly and they have a week long class each summer which I've always wanted to attend.

      Delete
  3. What a great list! Made me smile for sure ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Every time i try to grow tomatoes the squirrels eat them

    ReplyDelete
  5. Excellent.

    Thank God I'm a Southron man.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Squirrels got mine, all of them, this year for the first time ever. That was right after
    they ate ever single one of the several hundred pears from my pear tree. This fall the squirrels are going to get thinned out! Anyone have a recipe for canning squirrel stew or for squirrel sausage? grins.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yankees? Don't be silly, it's city folks who can't do many of those things, no matter where they live. And it's only some of those city folk that can't do some of the stuff, like fixing a toilet. You think a poor person calls a plumber every time the toilet quits working right? It isn't like there aren't millions of toilets, and it isn't like Yankees don't have rural areas where people tend to do for themselves, and it isn't like people everywhere fix their own toilets because it's cheaper that way. The post is simplistic in content and written by someone with obvious prejudices. I've lived in eight states, north and south, and the only man I ever met that couldn't read or write was a southerner. Does that mean all southerners are stupid or illiterate? Of course not. But do posts like this help to divide our great nation? Do they keep disdain alive? Do they add kindling to hatred and ignorance? Yes, they do. We should value each other for our differences; we all contribute to this great nation. Even Yankees who seem to have done a good job of reproducing - and I might add, to defending this country.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good Lord man, evidently you saw no humor in the piece. :)

      Delete
  8. I looked over the list of 10 things Every Southern Man Should Be Able To Do. I am proud to say even as a Yankee I am skilled in them all. I also found the article 25 things every man should be able to do. As a REAL man, I disagree with several of them but two in particular. Perhaps if you are more an Obama type man these skills may be fine but if you are skilled in them we an’t goin campin. I will not risk being alone with you in the woods. I saw Deliverance. Can you imagine being alone in the woods in a tent with Obama. Just the thought gives me goose bumps.

    In fact if you are good at two of the non-guy skills you just lost your guy card. So please if you are good at giving massages and buying women’s clothing take your guy card out of your wallet rip in up and return it.

    Badger

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you imagine being alone in the woods in a tent with Obama.

      Not in my wildest dreams, fortunately. :)

      Delete
  9. Even worse yet, is the nose in the air, chip on the shoulder, mal-educated person, who believe that because he/she/it has that offical piece of paper from an academy of mental gymnastics (aka a universety degree); they are some how more enlightened, and knowledgable than every one around them.
    The older I get, the less impressed with what passes as a univeristy level of education. But in defense of that article; One of the reasons why that List even exists and is topic of conversation is that decades ago the public school systems stopped offering classes in drafting, wood working, metal working, other "shop" classes or home economics. Therefore we have "adults" who when it comes to working with their hands, they only know how to work game system and a certain solo activity.
    BTY, this is not a Southerner vs Yankee thing. Either you are an American or you are not; either you are a real man or your are not. Period. In addition, if you are not a book reader, then you have lost points and respect with me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I recommend to all who I see that they do not join the Armed Forces and do not go to "college". Trades make more sense today than they ever did.

      Delete
    2. Well, some can only work their two thumbs as they text....no wonder we have "youts" with weight problems.

      Delete
  10. I completely agree with the sentiment, if not the classification painting all Yankees in such a light. It is accurate to say that, in general, the manners are much better in southern people – and this is another reason I hope to relocate to a more Patriot friendly region. As far as competency in general repairs, I myself am pretty capable in many areas. I grew up in a rural area south of Boston. My dad was a blue collar licensed electrician, with carpentry and plumbing skills, and he passed on his knowledge as I was growing – the way a father should. When I was 7 or so, my favorite way to spend an afternoon was to completely disassemble my bike, including coaster brake assembly, then grease up the bearings and put in all back together. I frequently had tools in my hands and was greasy and or dirty (until Mom got hold of me).

    For #10 – Bow your head without being offended….I often feel like something is missing if prayer is not offered at the appropriate times.

    ~Iver in Central Moonbatistan (aka Massachusetts)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, I didn't learn much growing up because my father was a country doctor and always paid others to do chores. I did spend many a summer working on the farm though. Certainly hope you get that job in the Raleigh/Durham area.

      Delete
  11. indyjonesouthereJuly 23, 2014 at 1:10 PM

    I still remember Boxer lecturing a military officer to not call her "mam" as she was a senator. Of course I would never have called her either one. Now as to comply with #2 growing tomatoes. Plant them in buckets (drill holes in the bottom) with plenty of compost and water frequently. If you have ornery ass cats like I do (and reinforced by dogs) squirrels look for far easier prey than my tomatoes. And use diatomaceous earth for bug control....works great for flea control in barn cats (bedding) and even helps control mites and lice on chickens.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I still remember Boxer lecturing a military officer to not call her "mam" as she was a senator. Of course I would never have called her either one.

      Heh!

      Thanks.

      Delete
  12. Take it easy there, General Lee.
    I can do all those things and grow 'maters too.

    I don't own a pair of sandals, BTW.

    smart ass.

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I don't own a pair of sandals, BTW.

    What do you take to the beach, Army boots........? :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ain't no proper beaches in Indiana, and I've never owned a pair of "Army" boots, dogface.
    Please reconsider.

    BTW...my sister and her hubby got a new puppy.
    They said they named it after a famous general and a tank.

    Sherman.

    Ha!

    Hoosier bastards...

    Bless their little hearts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tell them no barbecue if they don't change it to Stuart......:)

      Delete